This is the last day

Today is the last day of my chemo protocol. I've been letting my mind veer away from thinking about it too much. As though it's a ghostly, insubstantial thing that will vanish if you look at it straight on. I try to keep it in my peripheral vision.

I'm not ready for cake and joy yet. I haven't even gotten to full on relief. I honestly do not know what life will look like. I don't know how to be a cancer survivor, especially with the looming fact of high rates of recurrence and continuing biweekly lab checks. I think I will be holding my breath for the next two years. But I have a fair chance of getting to do that. And maybe getting to lie in a hammock with a good book in the garden, to dig my hands into the soil, and taste things at the farmers market, and have a glass of wine with the people who have helped me to survive through all this.

Thinking of gardens and good books, I visited Robin McKinley's blog. And it turns out that her friend and fellow author, Diana Wynne Jones, died today. And besides being a terrible loss for her friends and family, and a grief to all the readers who have loved her books, it was a biting reminder of the realities of life, and death, with cancer.

Part of me may always be waiting to fall off the next precipice. And I am baffled by the idea of living with that fear and also with the grief for all the folks who don't even get a chance to try.

Pegasus, by Robin McKinley

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I received an advance copy of Robin McKinley's new book, Pegasus. I've been reading slowly, trying to stretch the story. I already know the end is a cliff-hanger, and that the conclusion to the story will be a while in coming, as book two still has the author banging her head on her desk, and won't be out until this time next year. But I also know it will be worth the wait, because this is a delicious and magical story. It wraps around you with an intimate and honest narrative voice that makes the fantastical elements seem very real, a voice that I think developed at least a little bit because Robin McKinley has taken to blogging with similar honesty and grit about her own life.

Her blog and the book have some strong points in common: whimsical details, keen observations, and a admirable narrator who is uniquely herself. The story is truly original, and the pegasii are not generic mythical creatures, but believable beings with an intricate and fascinating alien culture. First person narration is tricky, and I used to think that you had to sacrifice beautiful writing if a book was done in the first person, but I am proven wrong by Pegasus, which is beautifully told and as finely wrought as anything the Pegasii themselves might make. The story is a gift, and I feel privileged to be reading it.

Books in the Mail!

There is no better kind of mail than books (for a book lover, obviously) and I recently received two!

First, a dear friend from college was kind enough to send me a copy of Except the Queen, by Jane Yolen and Midori Snyder.

This friend is a book person, and one of the perks of her job is getting to take home books that have been sent to the mystery magazine she works for. I haven't read Jane Yolen in a while, and I'm not familiar with Midori Snyder, so this book offers the double benefit of returning to an old favorite and discovering a new author. Plus, my friend has great taste in books, and the cover and blurb make this one plenty intriguing.

And then, and then, folks, I received an advance readers copy of Robin McKinley's as yet unreleased new book, Pegasus. Eat your hearts out, fellow McKinley fans.

..Ah, I don't mean it.

Will you forgive my gloating if I tell you I am attempting to leave both of these tempting books untouched until I've reached the bottom of the teetering pile of library books waiting nearby? Is it weird to feel that it might be somehow rude to return them all unread? Probably. But I really did want to read those books until these shiny new ones came along. My good intentions will probably only last a week or two.

For those of you who love Robin McKinley's writing, but don't have an advance copy of her next book, I recommend that you devote some of you internet meandering time to Robin McKinley's Blog because:
a)Robin McKinley writes it, obviously
b)she also occasionally posts bits and pieces of what she's working on, and
c)reading her blog has a lot to do with how I ended up in possession of a copy of Pegasus.

Everybody ought to read John Green

I'm convinced this is true: you should go out and read one of John Green's books. I should go out and read another of John Green's books. This is one smart and talented author, as well as one funny guy, which you know if you've ever found him bantering with his brother on their youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers

Read John Green. This is all I've got to say at the moment. I would really like to post about the actual content of Looking for Alaska, but am instead practicing delayed gratification..or delayed massive spoilers, since that, I realized, is what I was writing.

Massive spoilers to come later.